Sensual memory...

We were thirteen. We were vulnerable. And it hit us that night when she plunged to the floor along side her father’s hospital bed. Her eyes were dry red; her face, dilapidated; her body, insensate. Her soul felt disserted as if she was the one who died. She had the smell of sweet refined artificial sugar in her hair from the day before, when her dad drove us to the candy store. And now I found her lying on the cold floor, drowning herself in the wake of her tears. She slowly got up as if she had a heavy weight upon her back and as she rose, she was trounced by the weight and fell back down, this time on top of him. She was anomic. She was this crude dark mass trying to configure herself to fit into a pure white bed of which her father now coalesced perfectly into. The sheets were now stained from her loss. Looking down with blank stare shaking from my nerves I became garbled. I prayed, but it appeared to be just as small as the intensive care room we found ourselves trapped in. The room was oppressive. As soon as I stepped inside I had trouble standing as if the gravitational pull was dragging us down to hell. The smell was ghastly. It smelled like a loss. And I stood there watching. There were no words. Just a barren face and vacant mind. I had never seen anyone die before. And in one night I witnessed three. Two young hearts and one soul. It was the bloodcurdling thing in the world. I never envisaged that a few years later I would be back, this time, on my own father’s bed. But, my prayer was larger than the room.


Dilapidated: adj; to reduce or to fall
Insensate: adj; without feeling
Trounced: verb; beat over by someone or something
Anomic: adj; alone, unstable
Coalesced: verb; merge or united together
Garbled: verb; confused or disoriented
Oppressive: adj; highly stressful or dominating harshly
Ghastly: adj; horrifying, shocking
Bloodcurdling: adj; arousing extreme fear
Envisaged: verb; foresee something, consider or visualize

Living. My hypnopaedia movie is essentially about life. What we, as individuals, consider life and what characteristics make life up. Contrary to Brave New World, each and everyone of us view the meaning or the importance of life differently. We all strive to find something to live for whether that be insanity or even peace. If there was nothing to live for the very idea of living would be moot.

Ben Folds

As a composer, songwriter, performer, and multi- instrumentalist, Ben Folds alters the conventional means of feeding into an alternative rock genre he finds himself in. With bitter sarcasm and satirically laced lyrics Folds creatively instills both practical and politically relevant message within all of his compositions. He’s no rebel trying to defy today’s standards of what a genre is considered, but embraces the alternative method of which is evident through his selection of the five instruments he plays: piano, guitar, bass, drums, and keytar all of which are traditional alternative instruments. He also has a consistency with in all of his songs. No song is too off pace from a traditional rock standpoint. Not only does he write all of his own songs, but he also plays all the instruments in most of his songs which uniquely sets him apart from other rock artists.
Nevertheless, Folds continues defy all that he views as misconstrued in society through songwriting. In his song Rockin the Suburbs he sarcastically writes “I’ll take the checks and face the facts that some producers with computers fix all my shitty tracks” He neither indulges in the cookie cutter method of alternative rock nor aims to perfect any type of reputation society has set for him. Instead, he speaks about political messages or moral flaws in today’s society that makes people uncomfortable. Thus, the excess usage of cussing derives throughout many of his songs for this very reason alone. Understanding who he is influenced by is key in order to embrace his style of writing. Folds’s greatest influence is attributed to Randy Newman, who is best known for his single “Short People”. Which innuendos the literal meaning of short to the metaphorical meaning to convey an in depth message that he doesn’t like short or negative people with little motivation.
All of Ben Folds’s songs are creatively interlaced with a common ground. Looking at his more controversial songs like; Bastard, Learn to Live With What You Are, You Don’t Know Me, and Still Fighting Folds frequently revisits the idea of not misconstruing who you truly are and not being afraid of speaking out for any beliefs one may have. He communicates all the evident problems he finds in society and sarcastically mocks those who play into it. In his song Bastard he brilliantly criticizes the youth for wanting to grow older faster and for acting as if they know all there is to know about life. A lesson that is often not criticized in today’s culture, but unfortunately holds true. Folds also gives off a father like tone in the midst of his criticisms. He wants to see the world a better place not only for his children, but for everyone. This is conveyed throughout many of his songs especially when encouraging the youth of our generation to stay young and act our age. His contribution to alternative music is both negative and positive. He deliberately criticizes much of today’s culture because he longs for a reaction, but also implants thoughtful insight into people’s mind’s in order to produce a change in the flaws he views our society has. He displays a nonchalant and humble attitude in his lyrics by stating many times that he isn’t that talented or in his song Still Fighting, which is written for his son, he continuously apologizes to his son for being like him. This humble attitude is shown even brighter when contrasted toward his very passionate and thought provoking lyrics, which makes for a truly original artist.

Lost- Dramatic Monologue

I do not understand.
I am confused.
He left me lost somewhere between high bliss
And the rapture the savage reservation.

Fanny disagreed with my choice,
But I liked John.
And he was definitely the object of my obsession.

It took him a while to express his adoration towards me.
And honestly I was both relieved and surprised.
After the feely I thought he hated me…
He walked away with such anger in his eyes.
The feeling of bewilderment as to weather he liked me played repeatedly in my mind.
Luckily I had soma!
Which helped kill all feeling most of the time.

But I was still perplexed by one thing…
If he carried such passion and deep adoration for me, why would he then…
Not ACT such emotion?
How would the savage be capable of expressing passion without sex?
Sex is what draws a connection, what else could he possibly need?

A whore.
Whore.
He called me..
A whore.
And then,
slapped me.


He was the eccentric one.
All his talk about growing old together and
Pursuing lifelong commitments to one another.
What type of values were those?
It was obvious that the savage was not up to par with the civilized world.

And his discussions dragging on and on about Shakespeare.
That boy needed a soma.
That way he probably could have stopped himself before he...
well ended.

Anyways, I’m on holiday,
These thoughts have become inconvenience.
I better take a few more.

Misfortunate

Betrayal came with a cold lipped kiss that moonless Sunday night.
There was no molecule of good
The devil took the foremost in destroying girlhood dreams
No longer was she whipping her skirt like a dancer
or sitting with her cheek pensively against her father’s knee
while his hand toys with her silken locks and
his voice reads beautiful words.
She became saturated with the fiend’s dirty disgrace.
Her eyes were dark gleams while her jowls swelled with black blood with each deserted smile.
She had become exposed.
And the great Society…. They were set by the ears
as if, they, were pure.

LDJ Research Paper

Despite the sincere love for one another, the characters in O’Neill’s Long Day’s Journey into Night alienate themselves from their present realities, resulting in a never ending cycle of denial. Each character opts to dwell in a fog rather than accepting responsibility for themselves. The inability to face their fears inhibits each member of the Tyrone family to counter their current self-destructing path.
Each member of the Tyrone household testifies in being in love with the idea of not facing their present reality. Mary Tyrone isolates herself in the heart of a fog like state. In the midst of a fog flooded house and her morphine addiction Mary finds herself incapable of dealing with her pain directly. She rather blame others for her misery, than to take responsibility upon herself. Mary states “I really love fog… It hides you from the world and the world from you. You feel that everything has changed, and nothing is what it seemed to be. No one can find or touch you anymore” (p.98). Here, Mary isolates herself through her drug addiction from everything she doesn’t want to see. Mary doesn’t want to see that she fails to live up to her motherly role, she doesn’t want to notice how she does not have a home in her house, and she doesn’t want to grasp the loss of hope in her family’s eyes. Mary rejects the present circumstances and lives in a desolate unconscious state of being.
Throughout the play James Tyrone also displays evidence of isolation. James insists on turning off the lights so that he can ignore the environment he built for himself. James Tyrone also lives his life in an unconscious fog through watered down whiskey. He disregards his contribution of allowing Jamie to live a life imprisoned by the past, just as he is.
In Addition, Edmond and Jamie also display traits of their parents. Edmond is unhappy living a human life and wishes to be something other than what he is “Edmund Believes that he has a consciousness which transcends human existence, and his disdain for human live results from this, He wants to be part of nature not simply living in it”(Thiessen,6). Edmund is searching for something greater then himself to believe in, because his parents are unable to provide that for him. Overcome by the mistakes he has made, Jamie has lost the expectation of becoming independent. So instead he drinks his reality away.
Ironically the very substances that the Tyrone’s consume to forget their reality is the very substance which allows the reality to reappear. Travis Bogard states that “Whiskey and morphine effectively remove all disguise” (Bogard 158). Jamie abandons his cynicism and drunkenly confesses his hatred towards Edmund. Edmund reveals his discomfort of being a human and states “I would have been much more successful as a seagull or a fish” (p.153). James reflects on the idea that there is no use for fake pride and pretense. The Tyrone’s can not seem to completely cut themselves off through death or sleep. Jamie complains that he’s had enough whiskey to “sink a ship, but cant sink” (p.156) and both Mary and Edmund attempted to commit suicide. Instead of reliving themselves from misery they insist on a tormented existence (Thiessen, 4)
The Tyrone’s demonstrate numerous accounts of genuine love for one other. Mary and Tyrone declare their love “In Spite of everything” (p.115) and Jamie does assure Edmund he loves him more than he hates him. Love alone does not prove to be enough to overcome their present circumstances. As the novel progresses, the Tyrone’s fall deeper and deeper into a fog. O’Neil does, on the other hand, lead the reader into a glimpse of hope through Edmund, by ensuring that the play is based off of his own life.





Works Cited:
Carpenter, Frederic I “The Climax of O’Neill’s Development.”1979. Berlin 152-6
Thiessen, Bryan “Alone in the Dark: Isolation in O’Neill’s Long Day’s Journey into Night.”2005. Missouri
Bogard, Travis, “The Door and the Mirror”1972. Berlin 157-64

Dream

There is something I learned about dreams,
They capture us in
And make fools of us all.
They dictate the next move
And are constant reminders of what we have yet to prove.

There is something about dreams that scare.
The worry of failing all alone
And the lingering threat of disappointment.
By a simple thread,
We hang huge catchers above our bed.

There is something about a dream that the mind that rejects.
In order to protect, minds neglect any dream
Before the heart is able to try.
Maybe the huge catchers above our beds
Should slip into our heads.

There is something I learned about dreams.
They have the power to bring joy and tears.
The power to grow and to destroy.
They are affected by a single lie
And perfected by a single try.